Monday, October 14, 2013

Becoming Maxon and Bowan's Mommy

In becoming Max's mom (lovely name of my liltle ol' blog), I tried to do everything right.   I read every book, walked miles a week, took the vitamins, ate healthy, sang and read to my belly-and I am pretty sure that with the sureness of Tyson and I and the peaceful environment we had created, THESE were the reasons to Max's calmness and perfection.  We had him on a routine and we stuck to it.  Some said that it was because Tyson and I were good people and made great parents.  Maybe, but I think Max allowed us to be good parents.  He was easy.  Naturally we decided to have another.

We thought that the spell would be broken and we would get this horror of a child.  My pregnancy would be awful, he would be a premie, not a sleeper, would make us question our everyday parental decisions.  But Bowan was just as perfect as Max.  Amazing pregnancy, happy baby, nice and large---GREAT eater.  Happy Blake's now were FOUR!

I had a friend tell me, during my pregnancy with Bo, that with one child, you still have your life.  With two, your life becomes all of theirs.  I had suddenly had gone from a mom of one to a mom of two big Blake boys.  Two sets of eyes looking up at me for every need.  Anxiety set in and while I knew nothing could stop it, I quickly became unsure of myself.  With Tyson working at night, how would I manage the night routine?  How would I go back to work nursing/pumping/keeping focused on my job?  How would we be able to afford two appetites/schedules/needs?  And date night.....are those gone too? How in the hell would we find a sitter for two?!

Flash forward to the present and well, we manage.  It is not easy, but it is manageable.  My limits have been tested and pushed to the furthest extent.  I didn't realize how much patience I have (and don't have).  My life is totally consumed with the two boys and their well-being.  I am constantly teaching, constantly talking, constantly feeding and constantly cleaning.

I scare myself sometimes with just how much sleep I DO NOT get.  And yet, I fully function the next day. Reality slapped me in the face yesterday morning as I stumbled out of bed and met my doe-eyed three year old in the hallway.  Blankie in one hand, his wet training pants in the other, I met his stare and realized just how shocking I looked.  Hair disheveled, baby in my arms, unlatched from breast (now fully exposed). Blindly or rather unconsciously, I turned and fumbled down the stairs and even though the dog was whining and prancing around to be let outside, I made my most precious cocktail of the day-COFFEE.  Once a luxury, now a necessity.  I cannot get the cobwebs out of brain or the fuzziness of my night without my cup o' joe.

But this is my life now. A mommy of Max and Bo. In becoming their mother, I have learned a few things: when it rains it pours, yelling is NOT an option, showers will come later (or tomorrow), they are only this small for such a short amount of time, mommy friends are priceless, and lastly-my husband is an amazing creature.  Without him, I could not be the mother I am and the mother I am becoming.....

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